Happy Easter!

Whether you're celebrating for religious reasons, or you’re just in it for the candy (the real miracle is how much they charge for a hollow chocolate rabbit these days!), I want to wish you all a happy Easter. Today it's okay to keep all your eggs in one basket.

If you're a regular reader, you probably know about my goal to keep this blog virtually religion and politics free, but that doesn't mean I can't remind you to take a moment to think about all the miracles that happen all around us on a daily basis.

The latest example is pictured here, my new niece Malia Grace Manfredi. Congratulations Kenny and Josette! Now that's an Easter basket.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and stay tuned for some great video recipes this week, including Rocket Beans, Maple-Brined Pork Roast, and Lamb Meatballs. Enjoy!

Photo (c) Flickr user tristanf

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Yes, We All Did See Too Much!

Some of you may have already seen this short and disturbing video clip of celebrity cook Paula Deen, and her recent wardrobe malfunction. Apparently, the weight of the cordless microphone set on her pants pulled them down causing her to moon the audience - who seemed to enjoy it a little too much.

This really upset me because if I ever get a show on Food Network, I had planned to do the exact same thing as a publicity stunt. Now, I've have to come up with a Plan B. The question in the poll is regarding whether you think this was an accident, or she planned the whole thing.

Did Paula Deen intentionally expose her buttocks?
	No! They probably just slipped from all the butter on her.
	Yes! That's how those southern ladies roll.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Paula Deen Cake Photo (c) Flickr user bunchofpants

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The Art of Seduction with Dave

I rarely post videos from other online culinarians, but once in a while I see something so brilliant, so perfectly done, I feel I have to share it with the rest of you. This Valentines Day video is from "Cookin' with Dave," starring Dave, who according to his apron is the "World's Greatest Chef."

I highly recommend watching the entire 13 minute clip several times to make sure you didn’t miss anything, but in case you just can't find the time, forward to about the 7 minute mark. That's when his date arrives and the magic truly begins.

Dave not only shows you how to make a gourmet steak dinner for two, he also gives lots of great pointers on making your Valentine feel very special. This is a 13-minute Tour de Force that is sure to inspire. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If this is your first visit to Food Wishes, please know that this is meant as satire, and we really aren't a bunch of jerks. I'm sure Dave is a great guy - and many, many men will use this video to help close the deal.

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When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Celebrity Chef! Right, Mommy?

I received a link recently to an article from The Oregonian, written by Casey Parks, about a five-year-old named Julian Kreusser who has his own cooking show on an Oregon public broadcasting network. As I read about "Chef" Julian, I became intrigued and decided to watch a few of his shows.

Normally, I wouldn’t care about some cute kid making cooking videos with his parents, which there are probably hundreds on YouTube, but why this kid's show has me so interested, and disturbed, is it's being packaged as an actual cooking show, with the kid as some sort of culinary savant. I have a feeling there's more here than meets the eye.

The driving forces behind "The Big Kitchen with Food" seem to be Julian's parents, and Portland Community Media, which airs the show starring the young, slightly confused chef. After watching the clip, I couldn't help but question some of their claims and quotes from the article. It all seemed a little "hoaxy" to me.

"He actually understands what he's doing. He's not just following orders," claims executive director Sylvia McDanie. She says the viewer's love him, and adds, "It has potential to be a national program." Has she seen the show?

"It's great that he gets to do what he wants to do," says his mom, Kristen McKee. "We want him to do what's in his heart, to follow his interests." Isn’t that what those beauty pageant moms always say?

The parents claim the recipes, as well as the theme song are all Julian's ideas. Even though his father admits he used some connections to help get the show on the air (thanks, I thought he may have put on a little suit, took a cab to the station, and pitched them the show on a milk crate), he insists Julian came up with the concept. Really? "We are just enablers," says his dad, Ben Kreusser. That's one word for it.

It may not come as a huge surprise that along with all this adult "guidance," Julian is also home-schooled, or as it's referred to in the article, "unschooled." Apparently this is some type of home schooling where the child decides what they want to learn. Julian is quoted saying, "So everything I see, I can learn about." Well, isn't that convenient. Must make scheduling the show's filming a breeze.

I've posted a video of Chef J below, making some "tomato sauce without tomato paste," and after watching it, all 13 agonizing minutes of it (the "cute" wears off after about 45 seconds), I would love to hear your thoughts. By the way, the viewer comments I read on Yumsugar, where this same video was also shown, weren't very kind.

There are several moments in the video when Julian doesn't even seen to remember what he's making (even though he "created" the recipe himself). He also struggles with the tools - instead of being cute, the sight of him trying to use the vegetable chopper was kind of sad. Then, the camera cuts away, and wha la! The veggies are cut and it's on to the next step. Thanks, Mommy.

Anyway, you be the judge. Maybe I'm being too suspicious. Maybe he isn’t being manipulated and exploited by parents that want the celebrity they believe will come with star chefdom. Maybe the fine folks at Portland Community Media don't have any ulterior motives. Maybe I should pick on someone my own size?

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Celebrate the Inauguration with Iconic Posters

Peggy sent me a link to a site called obamiconme, where you can do a version of Shepard Fairey's now famous Obama poster. It's kind of fun play around with. Here's the original (on the left, in case you weren't sure), one of me, one of Michele and me, and our cat Nigella. Enjoy!

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How Not to Cook a Prime Rib

I've received a lot of great feedback from those who tried the "Method X" technique for cooking prime rib, and the verdict is in.... Guilty of medium-rare perfection on all counts! I'm sure glad you guys didn't screw it up and then try to blame me.

To celebrate our success cooking such an expensive and intimidating hunk of beef, I bring you this short, two-part video of a slightly different method. Enjoy!

Part 1 "Now that's a fire..."


Part 2 "The water seems to make it worse..."

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Gingerbread Haka

A special holiday-themed dedication to New Zealand's national rugby team, the famous (and feared) All Blacks, and fellow ruggers everywhere.



Here's the real haka performed by the All Blacks. The looks on the opponents faces are priceless.

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"Bite your teeth into the ass of life…"

This is my favorite scene, from my favorite food movie of all time. It's from Big Night, and features Ian Holm, giving a pep talk to Stanley Tucci, owner of a neighboring rival Italian restaurant. If you want to feel the agony and ecstasy of the restaurant business, rent this movie.

Holiday get-togethers can spur long, heated debates among family members about which DVD to rent after dinner. Well, here is a suggestion everyone should like. The movie is sweet, sad, hilarious, and shows everything that's great and horrible about the food business. Warning: This clip contains adult language. Enjoy!

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Will a Change in the White House Mean the Return of America's Garden?

This animated video is from the folks at "Eat the View," a campaign to return some of the White House's lawn back into a fruit and vegetable garden, like our early presidents maintained and enjoyed. As we all face the tough times ahead, let's hope that one silver lining is the rebirth of "victory gardens."

I realize the new Prez has lots on his plate, but one thing he can do to help everyone get more on theirs, is to bring back America's Garden, and promote the rebirth of the backyard garden. If you want more info, check out eattheview.org.

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The Best Grilled Ham and Cheese Ever

For some reason the WiFi network here at the hotel is not allowing uploads over a certain size, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow evening, when I return to San Francisco, to see this video

This stunning specimen of a grilled sandwich was created with scavenged ingredients found in the hotel, and was cooked in my room without the benefit of a kitchen.

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The Iranians Have Crossed the Line and Must Be Stopped!

All this talk recently about possible military actions against Iran has been very troubling. I hoped our recent history had served as an important reminder of the benefits of diligent and effective diplomacy. But, recent events in Tehran have changed my attitude, and I think we may need to respond with force.

What has me all worked up? Iran is trying to set the world record for longest sandwich! A team of chefs in Tehran, mostly women forced to cover their hair, and not for sanitation reasons, have reportedly built the world's longest ostrich sandwich. You can watch the report below.

This is an outrage, and I will not bury my head in the sand, and pretend this affront to our entire culinary identity didn't happen. Sorry Iran, but long sandwiches, and other grossly oversized fast food is our thing.

Luckily, the hungry crowd attacked the sandwich and ate it before its length could be officially recorded (true) - like an episode from whatever the Iranian equivalent of the Simpsons is. You know, maybe we are not so different after all.

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Tho X. Bui Gets "Mileage" with His Hollandaise T-Shirt

Tho X. Bui, Foodwish.com fan, and fashion icon, sent me this Youtube clip of, well, I'll let him explain, "…for the 2008 Tour de Fat (one less car!) parade, my friend Joe Strutmann and I rigged up my homebuilt tandem trike and turned it into a mobile grilling station. We served two-dozen burgers and collected a little bit of money for the UMOM's New Day Family Shelter (shelter for homeless families). A fantastic fun time. I'm wearing my awesome "A Hollandaise Can Sense Fear" T-shirt from Foodwishes.com."

He raised money for charity, and promoted my shirt! Well done!

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Can You Smell It?

This tennis ball-sized black truffle was brought to our table last night so we could smell it and decide if, for $15 extra dollars, we wanted it shaved over one of our courses. We decided to just go with the free whiff. It was our 9th wedding anniversary (and 19th year of cohabitation), and we dined at La Folie, one of San Francisco's top French restaurants. We had a great time, and a great meal, and Chef Roland Passot even shaved some of the truffle over our scallop appetizer as an anniversary present!

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Slow Food Nation's Food for Thought Panel Discussion

Thanks to FORA.tv and Slow Food Nation, the panel discussion I attended during the SFN'08 event has been made available online. This panel is a who's who of the slow food movement, and I found the discussion to be fascinating on several levels.

The passion of the speakers is undeniable, their dedication to the mission is unquestioned, but beneath it all is a nagging frustration at not being able to fully answer the skeptics charges about how this "good, clean, and fair" food revolution will really take hold.

I left the lecture with almost as many questions as answers, but I also left with a smile, wondering how long it would be before food changes us, instead of the other way around.

This was a long discussion, so FORA.tv broke the video into two parts. This is part one. Enjoy!

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The Roof, the Roof, the Roof is on Fire…

There was a rich family that lived in a large house in a small village. The rich family threw a party and invited the rest of the town. At this party, a few wealthy guests were given champagne and caviar, and the rest of the guests got cocktail franks and warm beer.

Later that evening, after most of the guests had left, some of the wealthiest guests joined the rich family in a drunken game of naked twister. Someone slipped on a cocktail frank that one of the poorer guests had dropped, and knocked over a candle. Soon the large house was engulfed in flames.

The rich, drunk, and naked guests ran out on to the street, and screamed for the gathering crowd to help them put out the fire. But the mob, still angry they were only fed cocktail franks and warm beer, shouted back that the wealthy family should put out the fire themselves since they started it. Water was in very short supply, and the wealthy family insisted that they needed some from every well in the town.

The townspeople argued that the family had the deepest well in town, and should have plenty to put out the fire. The rich family said the well was dry because they'd just had their servants wash their many cars. This angered the mob even more.

As they argued, the fire spread, and the entire town burned to the ground.

What do you think?
	Like most of the politicians, I am clueless.
	When there is a fire nearby, put it out, and then argue about what happened.
	Let the mother burn, it may shake things up.
	I like cocktail franks and warm beer!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Photo (c) Flickr user aagius

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Today's the Day - Tomorrow's the Way

I'm up to my ears in misenplace, and will be incognito until tomorrow, when I will share this 24-item tasting menu via video, photos, and text. Until then, grab a slice of pizza, and enjoy the day like it's the last day you will be able to taste garden-ripened tomatoes this year. Some slices are such sweet sorrow.

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Richard Simmons and the World's Most Dangerous Steamer

This clip from the David Letterman show has it all; Simmons' short-shorts and afro in all their glory, Letterman not even trying to hide how stupid he thinks the invention is, and a complete disregard for poor Richard's safety. This really shouldn't be on your Christmas list. To paraphrase Simmons, "this isn’t a go-go-cart!"

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Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's Not-So-Secret Beer Batter Recipe

This beer batter video is from the author of The River Cottage Cookbook, which my cousin Tony is currently reading, and enjoying very much. He has recently moved back to San Francisco to continue his culinary career, and like most young cooks, his appetite for knowledge, both literary and otherwise, is voracious.

Besides a plug for the book, I've posted this because every cook needs to know a simple, easy to remember beer batter – and this is about as simple as it gets. By the way, when he says to fry at 175 degrees Celsius, what he really means is 350 degrees F. Enjoy!

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Robert Rodriguez Makes Breakfast - Finally, a Celebrity that Can Cook!

While checking messages on YouTube, I got a tip about some cooking videos done by Robert Rodriguez, who directed such films and Spy Kids, and Sin City. I usually jump at the chance to post celebrity video recipes, like I did for Paul McCartney, and Christopher Walken. They are fun to watch, easy to ridicule, and usually generate some interesting conversation. But, much to my surprise (and slight disappointment) this Rodriguez guy can cook! He not only makes a great looking breakfast taco, but he makes his own tortillas. That's some serious cooking chops. Check it out.

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Cooking Isn't Life and Death - It's Much More Important Than That

This is my response to Jim and his recent letter. His comment are in bold.

" I feel very nervous when it comes to flavoring food."

I've got good news for you - the food is already flavored. You are nervous because you're trying to push and pull ingredients, force them to submit to your recently acquired skills and techniques, instead of following them to see where they go.

A bowl of perfectly cooked spaghetti, tossed with good olive oil, garlic, basil, Parmigiano-Reggiano, and chili flakes, is an "awesome meal," as your friend put it. True, your training is why the water had enough salt in it, the pasta was drained at the right moment, the basil was a beautiful green chiffanade, instead of an ugly black pile - but, the "awesomeness" of the meal, the "flavoring food" part, had little to do with you - it was the inherent goodness in the ingredients.

Don't try to make the food do tricks. Sliced leeks slowly melted with a strip of bacon, topped with grilled salmon is done - why are you trying to make a béarnaise sauce? Because you know how? Don't take credit (or blame) for the foods flavor, only for bringing (not forcing) it out.

Young painters use too many colors, young musicians use too many notes, and young cooks use to many ingredients.

"But the challenge to "make an awesome meal" out of random ingredients (i.e. without a recipe) made me want to throw up."

There is no harder task than trying to cook in a strange kitchen. Even the most experienced chefs lose that precious confidence stumbling around a foreign pantry. The key words in your sentence are "the challenge," because that's exactly what it is - a challenge, as in a fun, exciting, and dangerous dare.

Feeling like you want to throw up before the meal is understandable. Especially if you confuse "challenge" with "necessity " And, if after cooking the recipe, it really is bad, pretend to drop it on the floor and call for pizza.

"Is it just experience? I hope not!"

It's never "just" one thing, but, experience is a big part of it. Your 1,000th hollandaise will probably be better than your 4th. There's a reason people start as cooks, and then become sous chefs, chefs, and finally executive chefs. What's your hurry?

Old experienced chefs are expected to put out stunning food; cooks right out of culinary school aren't. This is why you should be cooking with relaxed abandon, free to mess things up royally. That whole "learn from your mistakes" thing was invented in a kitchen.

"Maybe I am looking for the holy grail of cooking, but…"

Get in line. We're all looking for it. And, even though you won't find it, never, ever, stop looking.

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